I Can't Understand Why I Lost My Baby

Photo Credit: Kirby Carlton

May 16, 2021, started out as a normal day. . .until it wasn't.

I was working and having severe hip pain. I thought this was just due to sciatica. However, when I went to the ER the medical staff checked on my baby and could not find her heartbeat.

I was in disbelief, shock, and extreme sadness.

I couldn’t understand how I was 15 weeks along and everything had been healthy. I had just seen doctor the week before.

Why is this happening to me...am I being punished? I wondered.

Everyone kept telling me it’s God's way of taking care of something we couldn’t. I wish it gave me comfort but it doesn’t.

So on May 17, 2021, Pat and I went to the hospital where I went through labor and delivery. I delivered my baby girl at 5:55 p.m. We named her Atlanna Rose Garoiu. She weighed 49 grams and was 5 inches long.

I’m not sure how I am going to get through this.

Thank you Kirby and Patrick Carlton / @mommakirbs1130 for sharing your story. Shared with permission.

Coping with the grief of pregnancy loss can feel impossible and isolating. Surviving the Unimaginable is a guide to surviving loss, told through the voices of loss parents with the help of a clinical psychologist.

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